Executive Order
Relocate Congress to Guantánamo
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—
Photograph by Pete
Souza / The White House
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Making
good on one of his key campaign promises, President Obama signed an executive
order on Tuesday relocating the United States Congress to Guantánamo Bay, Cuba.
The President seemed
to relish signing the order, calling the relocation a “win-win for America,”
and indicating that Congress could be moved to its new headquarters
“immediately.”
“We don’t envision
doing any renovations to the facility down there,” he said. “It is ready to
house Congress right now.”
The President did
not specify what the current U.S. Capitol building would be used for in the
future, but he hinted that it could be the setting for historic reënactments in
the manner of Colonial Williamsburg.
“I think it could be
fascinating to school groups,” he said. “It could really take them back to the
olden days when it was a real, functioning place.”
Minutes after the
President signed the order, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Kentucky)
called it “an outrage” and “grounds for impeachment,” but Obama appeared to
take such howls of protest in stride.
“If Congress
believes that this executive order is illegal, they can take it up with the
Supreme Court,” he said. “Oh wait—we don’t have a Supreme Court.”
